no comment necessary, just needing to write.
running has become my therapy. It's my escape from reality, reduces my stress, calms me down, and let's me cry when no one is watching or will notice. Or maybe they think the tears are from pain caused by running... but they're not.
I'm in a situation where I need to make a decision; a really hard one. I have to decide between being happy, living my life, and potentially have a family member really pissed off, or continue to be unhappy, while helping a family member that really doesn't appreciate or recognize your help anyway.
I know the right answer, but it's the path I've never taken, having always put everyone else before me. I think this time I have to look after myself and it's scaring the crap out of me.
Yesterday, I went out for a run at lunch, emotions came flooding in, I just wanted to keep running, never turn around, or come back.
32 comments:
I can feel guilty about things that are worth feeling guilty about, sistre. But I try not to let those things that aren't worth feeling guilty about, that I have no reason to feel guilty about, get to me.
I'm pretty good at it, actually, for someone who was raised Catholic - a religion whose very reason for existence is to inspire feelings of free-floating guilt.
So do what you need to do and don't even look back.
Because I've found that the people who like inspiring guilt will only go back and demand more from those in whom they manage to strike the motherlode of guilt each time.
They leave the rest of us alone.
Sounds harsh, I know, but it really isn't, because don't you have your own kid and things you REALLY have to take care of? And wouldn't you feel GENUINE guilt if this other crap kept you from devoting time to the things that really matter?
Running is the best and cheapest therapy I have ever found! You can cry and scream and yell all you want. I think it all helps.
Look out for #1 and #2...all else is at the bottom of the list. Best of luck in your decision.
Go with your gut... if you know the right thing to do, do it-- even tho it won't be easy. I learned long ago that there are people who have problems nobody can fix. A big reason for that is because some people don't WANT their problems fixed. In other words, there is only so much you can do. So run & cry, run & vent, and run & think... and do what's right for you and those who really NEED you. Keep going, Girl!
You know what to do, and Glaven summed up what really matters better than I could. Hold your head high, look at the road ahead of you, and keep on running!
Hope things work out for the best, do you what you need to do!
running is definitely the best therapy... hang in there and i hope everything works out!
Running helps a person in a million physical and mental ways. Good luck with everything!
Thanks for the ICE advice. I will try that this afternoon. Hope things get better soon. Take care!!
Ooh, it's hard. Good luck. I know you're just venting and I need the vent, too. The vent and the run. For me, running is therapy, writing is therapy, so much so that sometimes I just think, "Oh my gosh, I think maybe I should just GO TO THERAPY."
Some people can be very, very draining, and demanding too much of you without giving anything in return is a subtle form of violence, isn't it? But there's always grieving when it comes to giving up on a family member.
Oh - I so understand wanting to run longer because there's still stuff in the head and heart to process! You do know what to do - but conflict and transition suck even when you know it's what's best. Sending you good vibes and steady mojo as you work it all out!
Others have said it all so I'll just add my best wishes for strength as you go through this. Definitely keep running; you're right about it being good therapy!
Ok then I wont comment.
I'm the same, brought up to please. Guilt is a tough emotion to deal with. Hang in there, sister. I'm sure you will make the right decisions, the ones that are best for you. Thinking of you.
Wow. I could have written that post!
Even without detail, I can relate to it.
Yes. Running is great therapy.
I can't add to the great comments above me - sound advice up there.
I CAN say - good luck with doing what you need to do.
Not sure what's ultimately got you, but I know running has helped me to clear my head when I faced tough decisions. Plus, it allows me to "stress eat" when necessary. :)
Best wishes with your decision. If you need/want to chat, you know how to find me. :-)
Yikes!! I'm sorry you're going through a time, chica. It's never easy dealing with family. They're hard one's to brush off, ya know? Like an easier said than done thing. But I absolutely agree with G :-) You take care of YOURSELF first.
make your decision for YOU and what you want, and not what others expect of you. do what will make you happy and able to enjoy everyday. it is always hard to please others and family doesn't necessarily make it any easier. hopefully this person will understand one day - that you needed to live your own life!
Running is sumblime when you are just in the zone, just a way toremove yourself from the world. I felt the same way this afternoon
Hope you can be ballsy enough to make the right decision. Hang in there, girlie!
Running is totally therapy!
Good luck with your decision!
Ditto on all the above... I know how incredibly difficult it is to not be the one who takes care of everything and everyone, but it's important that you take care of yourself. One who doesn't appreciate you will eventually sap all of your energy and take you away from those who do appreciate (and need) you.
Hang in there. Run. Run. Run.
I think that is why alot of us run...because it is the one place where we can get EVERYTHING out either by crying, running so hard it hurts or running for so long your exhausted! There have been so many times I've gone out for a run when I've been in a deep funk or depression and cried the entire run!!! I'm sure people think I'm a freak but running is my therapy!!
Sometimes it sucks to say, but you must think about yourself! If you are unhappyit will manifest itself into so many other things! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU!!! Sometimes you are the only one who can take care of YOU!!!
You will do what's right...it might hurt...but with time you will realize the outcome was the right one for YOU!
I spent alot of running hours last year processing an asshole exboyfriend! My running and Velcro were the two things that pulled me thru-and I was the only one who could make myself feel better!!
We are all here for you if you need to cry, vent, yell whatever!!! God knows I've done my fair share of venting on my blog!!!
Keep your head held high and know that YOU are a wonderful person who deserves happiness!!!
Here is lesson I am still learning today "you can only help those who are willing to help themselves."
"Never put more effort into the relationship than the other person is willing to put in."
Go with your initial feelings and you will never go wrong! A lot of things can be resolved while you are running.
Screw'em. Get out and run. Take care of yourself and your family. When individuals don't appreciate what you do for them, they don't deserve your efforts.
Illogical guilt has to be the number one killer of men--women drive us nuts with it. :)
Melanie I love you!!!
Running is without a doubt the best therapy there is and its free!!!
I know you will make the right decision for YOU!!!! Without the guilt feelings!!!
Your a good person and an emotional person, like me!!! Like you said, look after yourself girlie!!!
Ahh you drooped of my reader nd now I am catching up. My 2c You have to feel good about your self before you feel good about other!
Well, they all said it for me, but you also knew the answer anyway :) Follow your heart, do what is right for YOU, my dear... good luck... we're thinking of you! XOXOX
Good to let it go and talk about it. I'm glad I'm not the only one that has their problems to get off their chest.
Do what your heart says!
And I wish you decision becomes easier. Good luck
:)
Sorry I am so late hearing about all of this. :(
I hope things are getting sorted out and you are doing what is best for you.
At least you know you can always head out for a run when ou just need to get away and clear your mind.
((HUGS))
I'm just reading this after reading you made your choice and are at peace with it. It seemed like a hard decision but you made the right one for *you*. Putting yourself first is sometimes very hard...
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