here we go again

Most of you know that I moved just over a month ago, and as I normally do when packing, I end up throwing away a bunch of things that had accumulated over time. Luckily, though, I kept my old x-rays from last year's stress fractures.

My mood is a lot different since Sunday.  A huge thank you to my family, my friends (those that run and don't run/understand and don't understand), and all of you, my virtual friends for your unconditional support. I thought I cried a lot during the marathon, you should have seen me going through all the comments on both my blog and FB!

Suddenly though, I found that the tears had changed. No longer were they only of defeat, disappointment, frustration and sadness, but also pride. I think I've finally realized through the help of everyone else that I really did do something that many others wouldn't have the courage to try. I did something that I never thought I'd ever do, and for that I can accept that not everything works out as planned. The positives that came out of that day far outweigh the 6.2k that I was short of finishing a marathon.

Laying on the couch Sunday night, all I could do was stare at the staircase; it seemed as long as the road ahead during the marathon. I finally managed to hop upstairs, but soon realized that the pain in my leg was getting worse.  Yesterday morning I got up, still no pressure on my leg, so down the stairs on my bum I went, got myself to the couch, sat, and kept movement to a minimum.

Having planned for a post-marathon ART session to loosen up my muscles, I made my way ever so slowly to the sports injury clinic, and basically after a few questions, assessment, he shook his head and said he didn't like it. The fact that I can put zero pressure on my left leg isn't good, I have a shooting pain still shooting up into my bum from the left side of my calf, and a sharp pain going into the knee on the right from the tender spot that was worked out before the marathon. It's like all the muscles are fighting each other from the leg down, a mini tug-of-war. He also said my leg was squishy. hmm

He got out the familiar tuning fork, pressed it on multiple spots of both my tibia and fibula, nothing other than just the expected vibration.  

I left his office with knot in my stomach, on crutches and an x-ray requisition in hand, which is where I'll be headed at lunch time today. I then need to bring both sets of xrays to the doc tonight for comparison.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's muscular and not bone. I will be listening to doctor's orders and taking whatever time I need to heal; but this still sucks.

Independence is huge to me; I had it taken away when I my seizures came back at 21. There were many things I was unable to do for myself, and while this leg this is nowhere near what I felt back then, I'm slightly frustrated at how difficult things the simple things are with crutches, like taking a cup of coffee out of the kitchen. :)

Possible that someone's heart and mind can do something, but the body just won't follow? Guess having 2 out of 3 isn't so bad.