Tuesday I found out that my uncle, who had been really sick, passed away. Wednesday, my grandfather had some tests done, sadly, tumors were found, we'll find out more in about 3 weeks. Sigh. Thursday I flew out for the funeral, where I immediately found myself in a 'bad memory' situation, one of the most difficult times of my life, which really began defining who I am today. I've changed a lot since then. A lot. Thankfully I'm much stronger, but it still haunts me.
I spent friday with my grandparents... a heart to heart with my grandpa, discussing his own fears about his health and what's next. It's a lot clearer now from whom I got my sensitivity and emotions. We were drinking beer carb loading before noon, enjoying the moment; not sure I've ever shared a beer with Grandpa. A run in the early evening on a perfectly flat route, some time to clear my head, and process what was going on in the world of those in my life.
Yesterday was the funeral, and while it a sad occasion, it was more a celebration of his life, and a relief that his suffering was over.
As for many of you, running is my therapy, and I was due for another "session" today. The peacefulness and silence was eerie yet refreshing. The sense of freedom, a feeling I hold onto tightly since leaving my 'bad memory' situation and since surgery, started to make it's presence known once again, a calm finally set in, fears abated.
Got back and stretched, and thought about fear one more time. Like a child me, afraid of a needle, the whole body tenses up. That's how it feels when I'm done a run. I have no pain while running, things feel good, but once I stop, even though I stretch well for 10-15 minutes, it's like my leg is 'afraid' to be ok, 'scared' to let the muscles relax. Maybe still just a protection mechanism that my sports doc once explained to me. Not a pain, perhaps just a reminder, it's just there.
Regardless, I sure needed my therapy this weekend. I'm traveling home tonight, I will be back to commenting on your posts soon, I have been reading them :)
In the meantime, make sure you go check out Marlene's speedy race report and check out her giveaway.
25 comments:
Facing our own mortality can be daunting. Sorry some bad memories crept in there. It's great that you have running to work it out, though. :-)
Yup, running is THE BEST when it comes to clearing the head or sorting things out. It's not strange that we travel with running shoes, is it? It's a lifesaver sometimes.
Hang in there.
Sorry you and your family members are going through this rough time! So glad you have running to help you through this. Take care, Mel.
i am glad you were able to run some of the emotions and tenseness out! still so glad your legs are healthy again.
sounds like time with the fam was well-spent for the most part. i could go on about how we have nothing to fear but, i am definitely afraid of many of the 'what if's' out there. stay strong mel. here's to a good week for you!
Glad running can always give you that safe place to go to!
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Thanks for writing and I'm glad running can help you...
Welcome back, sistre! The blogosphere is a far more thoughtful place when you're here blogging!
Sorry about your loss, Mel.
I'm glad you were able to get in your much needed run.
I feel the same with my biking. I think through so many things while out there just pedaling away mile after mile after mile!
Always remember Mel that the greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances........things will always happen to us in our lives. People whom we are close to will die. We, ourselves may at some point need some major surgery or something (you've already done this!)or whatever, but to be able to have our little moments of peace and tranquility (while running or biking or whatever) is just "golden"
Glad to hear the running is going well....have you tried to increase the time of stretching out afterwards?? I stretch for a good 1/2 hour after almost anything-but I'm tight (always have been) and I need it! Just wondering-just a suggestion!
It sounds like there is a lot of stuff going on in your family right now. I'm glad that you have been able to get back to running as a way to lessen your stress and deal with the bad memories.
By the way... I like the new blogger layout!
Thank goodness for running (therapy) - sounds like you've needed it a lot lately.
I'm sure it was a difficult time overall while you were out west, but I'm glad you were able to celebrate your uncle's life and spend some time with your Grandpa too.
Thanks for the shout-out!
Wishing you safe travels and peace in the coming days. :o)
sorry your family is going through such a tough time. dealing with any kind of mortality is never a pleasant thing. at least you get to spend some time with your grandfather.
That's good you got to spend some QT with your grandpa. Travel safe!
Sorry for your family's loss. Glad the run gave you a chance to clear your head :)
All scary stuff. I'm so thankful for my health and a healthy family right now. Life can be so precarious. Running is the best therapy, I think, cheapest too.
I'm glad you have running back in your life again to help clear your mind. I'm glad you got some grandpa time.
In 2007 we lost 7 family members...talk about questioning mortality. Every time the phone rang I didn't want to answer it. What I learned that year was to appreciate the MOMENTS and achieve the things I want to achieve TODAY. Waiting until tomorrow is no longer my style. Thanks for this post....I wish that I could have had a beer with my Grandpa, he dies when I was 13..
Sorry to hear about your loss. Death is depressing, but it's a great reminder to spend time with those we love (easier said than done!).
My sincerest sympathies on your loss. I actually probably ran more miles in dealing with my dad's death than I have ever before in my life (and I wasn't even training for anything). I also found it changed me a lot, for the better.
Running is my therapy as well! It is one of the best ways to clear your head and find inner peace!
I am very sorry for your loss! you've had a hard week! Celebrating your uncle's life is the best! We did that when my granny passed away in November! Since she was Scottish and the funeral was in Scotland, we ended up getting quite drunk celebrating her life!!!
I hope everything comes out positive for your grandfather!!!
so sorry I'm just catching up on what has been going on. I know this has been a really tough week for you, so you are in my thoughts and prayers... I certainly hope the running helps relieve some stress
Sorry about you loss. Glad you were able to work some of it out with a run.
Oh gosh what a rough time for your family.
Much sympathy for your loss.
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