i've been unfaithful

There was a time when i thought i had it all. Laughs. Support. Happiness. Encouragement. Company. Challenge. Friendship. Goals. Even though all of these things remained unchanged, i started to have different feelings. I have nobody to blame; it was all me, nobody was at fault, really. Maybe just a change of heart? I had new desires. My wants were... just, so much more. It was all happening so fast!

I know honesty is the best policy, but the thought of coming clean gave me a lump in my throat, made me break a sweat, and feel like a nervous child. I wasn't even the one to eventually speak the words, someone else had to break the news for me.

I hope you won't think differently of me.

I joined a half marathon clinic in Nov 2007, and soon after sitting on a bench in the back of the store, I realized that I was a stranger in a group of 'already great friends'. She must have felt sorry for me sitting all alone; one lady turned and introduced her and a friend to me, and immediately included me in their conversation. Over the first few weeks, our clinic talks, then runs would spill over into a coffee shop nearby to continue on the conversation. We finished our half marathon goal race together, and while the clinic was over, continued running as a group, even doing a few more races together. Almost 2 years later, 9 of the girls and I will be in San Francisco, in a house, for a whole week, together! Can't wait!

The injury during my marathon had won, and brought out all these new feelings. I swam. I cycled. I did it, and loved it! And I needed more! I quietly began my search, something to help fill the void and help me satisfy my desires, my needs, and wants. I found the tri clinic, scheduled to start the very next day! How's that for jumping in with two feet! I signed up, but didn't anticipate the guilt. Oh no! What about them? What will I tell them? How will I explain this? I know I need to do what makes me happy, but I've never cheated before! I had butterflies in my stomach.

I arrived the next morning, and once again found myself to be a stranger among a group of people hugging each other after not seeing each other for so long... maybe when last year's triathlon season ended. Old friends. No problem, I've been the fifth wheel before. We're all here for the same thing; a common interest.

Then, a few weeks later, Jay and I went out for coffee with the 'old' group... a warm welcome as always, care and compassion asking how my injury was coming along, and how much longer until I'd rejoin them on a run. That's when the truth came out. Without a moments hesitation, Jay blurted it out, letting them know that I'd been unfaithful. I darted him with an evil eye and was scrambling to explain my side of the story! Could tell they were a little surprised, but they smiled and said they were happy for me. I believed them.

So far, I've been training with my newfound love -- the tri clinic. But I still get the emails from the old group about their routes, distances, etc, so when I saw that they'd be doing an easy 5k run on Wednesday night, I thought it was time to show them some love again. When I mentioned to one of the girls Tuesday night that I would not be there for the Tri group run the following night, but would join them later for the swim, she joked saying that I'd better have a good excuse... I later confessed in the pool that I had been back with the old group. She just nodded her head.

But now there's a chance that the two might meet! Yikes! lol It had been more than a month since I've run with the old group, so as we ran on Wednesday, there was a multitude of questions about the triathlon training, how I'm liking it, the disciplines, how I'm feeling post injury, how I'm enjoying the swimming and biking in addition to running... and yes, how are the people in 'the new group.' They were genuinely interested and excited for me when I mentioned I'd be doing my race next weekend, one even mentioned she'd come to cheer me on! Oh, what a tangled web I weave ;) haha

Seriously though, I've been so blessed to meet some amazing running people turned friends, and am lucky to have two groups of people that I know I will continue to training with. And, what's even more exciting is that some of my 'old running' group are actually considering getting into a pool, or on a bike, and may consider doing the tri clinic next year! :) I've read other blogs about some not so pleasant running group encounters; hope you don't let the negativity of one bad experience deter you if it's something you might be looking for :)

Glad you all had a chuckle about my Tuesday forecast post, I'll let you know if they're right... again. LOL

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