Proverbial Push

I was tired, warm and comfortable. Under my blanket, watching the snow fall in the brightness of one of the outdoor lights, hearing the wind howling, evidenced by the tree branches swaying. I was finally warmed up from my earlier cold shower after my P90X, and the hot water heater guy was schedule to come to the house in the evening. Olympics were on... I knew I'd have no regrets once there, it was getting there that needed the urging. I put out my little cry for help on facebook/twitter, and got the proverbial push that I needed!

• Just get yourself to the pool. You'll be much happier with yourself in the morning!
• push, push, shove... ;)
• Hey Mel ...just think about Joannie Rochelle skating tonight. How's that for#inspiration and a #push ?
• I heard free left leg night at the pool, look for the Mr Hop-a-Long Righty for details, not Mrs Limpy Lefty

Until I got over the initial shock of the coolness of the water, I still wasn't convinced, and knew it had already been a mental struggle, but I was there. I had already won. 

WU: 800m - 200 free, 200 kick, 400 free
MS: 7x150@4:00 alternating easy and hard sets, hard sets HARD! 300m free, 4x25 stroke counting

If I wasn't in the pool, I would have needed to stop for a moment, double-over, hands on knees to catch my breath... I was close to my puke threshold. Those alternate 150's were all out, water up the nose flip-turns only! OUCH!!!

So yes, I was VERY pleased that I went, and even had a warmish shower at the pool -- better than the cold water at home currently :)  So thank you social media for allowing me to get my cry for help out there, and those that responded!!


**Edit -- I was just notified that the always funny Big Daddy Diesel awarded me the First Ever Pukie Award!

Bloggers rock

The title of the post is probably something you already know. But yes, it's true, each and everyone of you are awesome.


Firstly, thank you for all the encouragement, kind words, support and offers...huh?

• Bob, Leana, Shirley, KC and Velma all mentioned still "feeling" previous injuries to some degree, from years past. Getting reminders from time to time, and that it's normal. Thank you! I absolutely needed to hear this!
• Heidi offered her legs up if they weren't also her weak spot... so sweet!
• Big Daddy Diesel said he'd buy the right leg from me if I decided to purchase a replacement leg... and have to buy a set. Awesome right!?  I'll keep you posted! ;)

I also wanted to send some other major thank you's!  Originally my goal for the Heart & Stroke ride was $500... I've now doubled it to $1000! The response has been great so far, and I appreciate it sooooo much. Still plenty of time until the event in June, but if you wish to donate, you can do so here.

• Andrea
• Beth -- Raise your hand if this is you, I follow 3 Beth's and don't recognize the last name!! :)
• Christie
• Damian
• Dan
• EndorphinBuzz
• Ian
• Jackie
• Joyce
• Ted
• Lindsay
• Lisa
• Lisa
• Lore
• Marci
• Marlene
• Patricia
• Rick
• Ron
• Tina

Yesterday my training plan had a 45min hilly run. Looking ahead to next monday, my travel day for a 4 day business trip to St. Louis, was a 90min run. Um, ya, I think I'll swap that out. 

I opted for the dreadmill at the gym because the snow was coming down, and while I'm not completely opposed to that, and do live in Canada, I was more worried about commuters on their way home from work, unable to stop. I also figured it would be safer given how my leg has been feeling to be on a treadmill when I can stop at anytime and walk the short distance home. 

90 minutes done, with nothing more than a slight discomfort, probably because I was 'looking for it' while trying hard not to. I iced as soon as I got home, (along with an ice cold shower because our hot water heater is broken and not being repaired until Wednesday). That sucked. 

Today, I feel fine. Did my P90X Yoga, a tough 90 minute workout to wrap up week 8!!!! and a 75min spin tonight -- and I'm good! I will keep monitoring it, continue to listen to my body, and perhaps won't listen to the little voices in my head quite so much :)

Wanted

Generally, I'm pretty easy to please. I absolutely appreciate, value and love the little things in life.  Running is one of them.


Training has been going fairly well.... but body vs. mind is wreaking havoc once again. If you've followed this blog long enough, you know that my lower left leg has given me nothing but problems. Stress fracture in August 2008, then again in May 2009, different spot. 


I have orthotics, I've had a gait analysis done, and subsequently worked on my gait to stop heel striking, landing with more of my forefoot. I've spent a good amount of my hard-earned dollars finding the right shoes for me. I've started back from scratch both times, rebuilt my mileage slowly, and have stopped focusing on pace. I'm taking extra calcium and vitamin D daily despite having had my bone density tested and getting normal results. I'm cycling, swimming, strength training, and stretching as part of my normal routine. I've reduced the number of runs down to two days per week, yes, only two. The few times that I've done any back-to-back days of running has been a 10 minute run off the bike on the second day. I have been running less than 20km/week since July, reaching only 65k for the month of January, and only 41km so far this month! (I have my daily log, I can prove it!!) I'm in no way comparing myself to anyone... but some of you run those distances in one weekend! I'm doing what I NEED TO DO, for me.

I have played by all the rules.

So why is that my left leg still causes me to worry? I have some slight pain... not always, but sometimes. Little waves of pain, even as I sit here on my couch with my legs crossed, laptop on my lap, I get a little reminder. A small wave of hurt. Sometimes it feels like a burning... or what I picture dissolving would feel like. But yet, I can do the Plyometrics workout of P90X and not feel a thing?!


I'm frustrated but trying to stay positive. I really don't know what to make of it. I look at all I've done, all that I am doing. I believe that I've learned from my mistakes... yet it remains a thorn in my side, a pain in the ass leg. Muscular? Skeletal? Mind playing tricks? I wish I knew, and could just figure out a way to get past this. Obsessively, I press along my tibia to see if I can find the source. I've certainly found some tenderness near the site of my first stress fracture, but it's not terrible, also doesn't feel like it's right on the bone, but what do I know? Due to the re-calcification of the bone, I've also heard that it's not all that common to get another fracture in the same spot.  Here's to hoping.

I'm not ready to give up yet.

Am I totally hyper-sensitive?  I'm getting a little tired of 'running scared.'

the hard road

Easy would have been continuing to smoke; quitting was harder.

Easy would have been to keep using the bands for the back exercises of P90X; doing actual pull-ups using the pull-up bar is much harder (and I'm really feeling the delayed-onset muscle soreness tonight!! haha)

Easy would have been to never attempt a marathon; being told by paramedics that I should stop... and acknowledging that it was probably the best idea at mile 23 was HARD.

Easy would be giving in to the mental side, telling me it hurts too much or that I can't; pushing through that voice or the pain is hard.

Easy would be not caring how I eat, look or live; training, fueling, learning and sometimes failing, is hard.

Most times I'm happy that I can be stubborn -- not always looking for or taking the easy road. ;)  It's funny that most people associate things that are hard with things that are not fun and should be avoided. Fortunately for me, I enjoy the challenge of the difficult things! Nothing motivates me more than doing things others say I can't, and the hard things are the ones of which I'm most proud!


Monday was my long run, a 9-mile feel-good-I-wish-it-wasn't-getting-dark-because-I-want-to-keep-running run! Last night I spent 1h44 minutes on the trainer for 50k on the bike, and tomorrow begins my second recovery week of P90X!  Week 8 baby!

A second chance...

Last Mother's Day, I ran in my first marathon, which of course, I didn't complete. Not only did it put a big damper on that day, but also some events I had planned in the following weeks and months. I missed the inaugural Toronto Women's Half Marathon, and Becel's Ride for Heart which I thought would be fun to do... cycling downtown on one of Toronto's main highways. With the stress fractures still too fresh, it didn't happen.


Little did I know how closely Terron and I would be affected by heart disease just a few short months later, when Terron's father passed away suddenly on Sept 5th, 2009, at the young age of 34.


Terron dedicated his first triathlon a few weeks later to his dad, and wants to continue the tradition this year. Here's my second chance at participating in this ride, 75km to help raise money for a cause that is now close to my heart.  


If you're able to help with a donation, any amount is greatly appreciated! You can donate by clicking on the link here, or the Ride for Heart picture in the top left sidebar. See it up there? Yes, that one!  Also, if you're local, come ride with me!!


To those that have donated already...  Joyce, Jackie, PedalmanTO, Joel, Dan -- a huge THANK YOU!!! 

Breaking the cycle

I tend to be an all-or-nothing-kinda girl. I find something I'm interested in, and want to learn more. I get absorbed, maybe a little consumed. This became quite obvious when I started running, I wanted to run more often, farther, faster, just more! Soon, anything else that I was doing physically took a back seat... I headed out for a run instead.

Blah blah blah, injuries, can't run. 

Got the ok to run after incorporating some cycling and swimming, once again, I ran, and not much else.

Blah blah blah, injuries, can't run.

Get the ok to run, except that now I actually enjoyed swimming and cycling, so I started to share my time and love like a parent with more than one child.

It's nice to *think* you've really learned from past mistakes.... but actually seeing the proof is even better **edited to add this information since there were a few questions about it -- pie chart is taken from TrainingPeaks, one of 2 websites that I use to track my workouts, the other one is Daily Mile)!**  Here's to hoping that I've broken the cycle, and will never repeat that mistake again!!

I've been a bad blogger lately... I'm reading, but not commenting much, and I apologize. I will resume more regular comments once I deal with plenty of stuff I've got going on. I just wanted to put that out there because the blogs that I enjoy most are those where the exchange is reciprocal, and I feel bad that I haven't been. I appreciate each and every reader and comment... so I hope you forgive, and can bear with me :)

At least I brought my bathing suit!

Prior to May 2007, I never would have thought I'd run. Then I started signing up for races. Due to injuries, I turned to swimming and cycling as part of recovery, never anticipating doing a triathlon, but I've done 2 (small ones). Then I joined a Masters swim team to keep me motivated to swim during the winter, never thinking I'd enter a swim meet. Well, now I've done that too!

Today was like a series of unfortunate events, but with some relatively happy endings. 

Let's back up to my last swim before leaving for Orlando. I quickly realized that I'd miss the deadline if I didn't get the registration form filled in and cheque written, as I was heading out the door that night. I *thought* I filled it in correctly, but told coach as I handed him the form to double check it with the email he had sent me to make sure I had done it right. He nodded, but obviously didn't check it. I had mistakenly signed myself up for breast stroke rather than back stroke. I loath breast stroke. I suck at it.

I was the first to arrive at the pool this morning from my team, so I got the heat sheet; it was then that I realized the bad news about the breaststroke. Sigh. Oh well, I'm sure it'll give me something to blog about...

7 of the 8 competitors from my team had arrived, we were missing one, an older man, probably close to 70 years young. I hopped in the pool to do a quick 500m warm up even though my events would take a few hours. As I got out of the pool, I saw Mike, our missing teammate, still in his jeans. He must have read my puzzled expression... because he went on to explain that he had forgotten his bathing suit! CHECK! At least I had mine! He ended up borrowing someone's. Not sure I'd make the same decision, but whatever... 

Literally, it was a few hours before my first event, the 50m free. I ended up 5th in my heat on this one, 4th place overall for AG. Meh. Another long gap and a lunch break before my next event, the dreaded 50m breaststroke. Dive off the block was fine, and I actually wasn't last! In fact, I came in 4th in my heat. But I heard the official say "Lane 5, you'll come see me once you're out". Uh oh. I remembered my 2 hand touch! What did I do wrong?  So I timidly climbed out of the pool, and approached the official. He said "You know you're doing the breaststroke wrong, right?" I kinda giggled, and told him that this didn't come as a surprise, I never claimed to be a good breaststroker. He said that my arms came down too far, and as a result, my time wouldn't count, I was disqualified from that event. I told him it was my first meet, I had no idea, and had never been corrected, but then just headed over to my coach to explain what had happened. He said it was fine, an easy fix. One that maybe I could have corrected before today had I known?!?! Ugh. I wanted to cry.

But I needed to gather myself for the next one, 100m free. At least this stroke I *know*!  Dove in, first 25m was fine, hit my flip turn with some water up the nose, but fought to stay focused, only that the panic set in. I've only had a panic attack once before to the point that I couldn't breathe, this was another. As much as I tried to separate myself from disappointment from my previous heat, maybe I was still distracted, but I seriously couldn't breathe. I was in lane 6, I could see coach walking up the side of my lane, he knew I was losing it too. I couldn't breathe at all, couldn't see anybody else in the water, I almost stopped there. That lasted for only a split second, I was able to relax and get my breath under control finally, and finished for a 4th place in my heat, 2nd overall in my AG! How? I have no idea. Coach seemed pleased, and commended me for forging on and keeping it together after almost falling apart.

A competitive swimmer, I am not. I'm happy for the opportunity and experience, but I much prefer triathlon to swimming only. Hope you all had a fantastic week, I'm hopelessly behind in reading, but I will catch up! :)

Ps. JoLynn, is the font better? ;)

And now for something completely different...

Tonight's swim was like something out of the twilight zone. I started off in my usual lane 3 for our warm up, feeling pretty good and strong, not sluggish and winded like I normally do until I'm warmed up. (Mental note, I've had strong swims both times I've had a grilled salmon filet and wild rice for dinner!!)

 As we were all gathered around in the shallow ends of the lanes waiting for instructions on our main set, I hear "Melanie, move over please." A few seconds later, again, "Melanie, lane 4 please...." Coach has called me Melinda, Melissa, Michelle, Linda, Marlene, so naturally, I never really listen for my actual name; it took me a while to react! I had been promoted to a faster lane!  A little intimidated at first, but I held my own! SWEET!!! I missed the 'flip turn' practice night while in Orlando -- tonight's expectation was no touch turns, flip turns all the way. I did all but one! I felt like a swimmer tonight!

My brain thinks it'll be my first, but one of my best friends has been trying to convince my memory that it'll be at least my second. I don't remember... which is not uncommon for things that happened prior to and during my seizures. She has no reason to lie, so maybe I have competed in a swim meet during high school, even though I can't jog my memory! Sigh.... oh well.

Regardless, Sunday, I'll be competing in a swim meet, hopefully one that I'll remember for years to come :) Here's to hoping I also don't come in dead last in all my heats ;)  

Quick P90X update-- today I started week 6! Already! I know!! I made a mad dash to a store nearby to purchase heavier dumbbells too, since I found that I was now able to do additional reps, sometimes more than 20. I also broke the resistance band -- the super stretchy elastic band that I don't think is supposed to break too easily! Guess I'm getting a little stronger?? Haha I have a feeling that P90X will have a whole new dimension now with heavier weights. Bring it on :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

at long last....

Ever searched for something for so long, that eventually you sort of forgot what you were looking for in the first place? Had given up hope, maybe coming to terms that it might never be found? Perhaps even frustrated that it was lost in the first place?

Yep, me too, on so many levels.

But this morning I stumbled across a clue. A hint. Maybe it's not gone forever! My routine this morning was the same as always, but I looked at something just a little bit differently. Maybe it was the lighting in the room, the angle, a more open mind, but my hope is renewed.  

I smiled a vaguely familiar smile...