3892

Anyone that knows me well, knows I've usually got a count going. A countdown looking forward to something, or the number of days since something special happened. Suddenly, about two weeks ago, one of my counts came to an abrupt, and unanticipated halt.

3892. 3892 days since Sept 11, 2001... the day I had my last seizure as I was being rolled into the operating room for brain surgery. 

They're bbbb--aaaaa----ccccc----kkkkkk.  *cue tears*

May 8th, I sat on the couch having my morning coffee and breakfast, going through a few work emails. My husband, who happened to be home from work for the week, sat next to me, on the phone. What happened next, I would hear from his mouth, describing the first seizure he's witness me have.

They came with a vengeance too, 11 more over the next 24 hours. He captured one on video, which we sent to my mom, and they're the same as they were back then. Crap.

Immediately after surgery, I started counting. Hours, then days since my last seizure. Soon, it turned into weeks, months, and years! I even made it to a decade since getting what I affectionally named, my Titanium Cranium. During that time, I fought back hard to regain the independence and freedom that the seizures stripped away. It became my past, but the beginning of better things that were happening. I started to run, in part because of my seizures. I then ventured into triathlon, because of running injuries. Cycling alongside vehicles, swimming in a lake, driving to my next race... all things that I really didn't need to give much thought to anymore.

Suddenly, all of that is slipping away, again. I'm scared, devastated and completely frustrated. I feel like my Titanium Cranium came with a 10 year warranty, and that warranty just expired.

I had gotten back into more regular running, with Terron, my 13 year old joining us in training. Somedays, I'd run on my own, to see my husband at work! Can't now... that was on a pretty busy road, too dangerous. I also sat out a 10k recently, that the three of us signed up for -- it would have been our first race as a family. In hindsight, probably a good thing I did too, because I had a seizure while sitting at the finish line waiting for them.

Nothing is making sense. There's no rhyme or reason. I've been making some phone calls to the hospital where I had my surgery, and have located my surgeon who has also moved to the US. I'll be getting checked out soon, likely having to start all over again. Questions, I have many... hopefully answers will quickly follow.

I may need this blog more in the coming months, to vent, and document a journey I thought was over. I will remain positive, and hopeful. 

Where Have I Been?

The problem with blogging little more than once a year, is that this post now has the possibility of becoming really long! So if you're pressed for time, and clicked on the link assuming that surely there was a mistake that I might have shown up in your blogroll, I'll provide you an abbreviated version of what's happened since my last post in April... I've seen my darkest and brightest days, I've played a part in a "real life Christmas story" and I'm challenging my body like never before (had to tie something fitness related in here eventually!). The end.


Want more? Grab a coffee, and make yourself comfortable.


Nearly 20 years to the day after I packed up and left all that was 'home' to me, I did it again.  I took a chance on life and love, moved south of the border, and tied the knot. Oh yes, I'm a Mrs!


Running, you ask? Let's just say that one of my very first runs in my new surroundings had me running in fear, chased by two fairly big dogs. Luckily for me, it seems that they had an invisible fence, and stopped giving chase soon after I passed their property. Choosing a different route for my next run, I thought I'd check out some Christmas decorations... 

...it's no wonder I feel right at home where I am, other Canadians live just down the street!

Despite my lack of running and a major life overhaul, I still managed to take a road trip in November, for a pre-planned race with the girls from my old running group in Toronto, in St. Pete's, FL running the Women's Half Marathon. While relocating and leaving friends/family behind is hard, it is significantly improved with the advent of the internet since my first time... but seeing them made a world of difference.

I do miss the training for triathlon... I just haven't found my running groove here just yet, been rock climbing at the gym rather than swimming, and my bike hasn't yet made the trip south to join me. However, I have been enjoying this injury-free streak. *Knock on wood* For anyone that has followed my blog long enough, you'll know that I typically train for a goal race, and either don't complete it or don't get to the start line because of stress fractures. 

Instead, I've taken on P90X2, the followup to the popular P90X workout. I remember previewing some of the workouts, and gulping as I saw pushups on medicine balls, and every variety of pull up possible, wondering what I'd be getting myself into. Now, I'm doing it (still assisted pull ups for now, but I've been challenged...). For me, this is becoming a mental journey as much as a physical journey... more on that another time.

I hope to catch back up with all of you over the next while, and hope you understand my being out of the loop!  Blog, and bloggers, oh how I've missed you.

I've been here before...

First of all, thank you to all of you who've stopped by my blog or sent me emails recently to check on me! I'm still around, despite having neglected my blog! Thank you as well for all the amazing comments on the slideshow I posted in my previous post... I cried more than a few times reading them all :)

It's an all too familiar place. Life has had a way of challenging me on many levels, over and over again. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for the discovery and growing I've done, so for that I'm thankful.  


As I approach the 10th anniversary of my brain surgery, (and 6 years since I quit smoking), I had really high hopes that this year would be epic. I'd face the marathon again, tackle my first 70.3, and I'd live happily ever after. What? This is my story, I can end it however I want to, no?


Well, everything was great. My long runs were getting long again, the ice and snow were finally starting to melt, my eyelashes were freezing together less often. I got home from an 18 mile run a few weeks ago, happy. It felt like a good run, confidence was increasing. An ice bath, just because. 2 days rest, then out for an 8k, immediately I felt that something was wrong. Calves felt awkward, tight, things hurt... and by the time I got home, I could barely walk. 


The next morning, things were worse. The pain, a grim reminder of my stress fractures, but this time,my right leg. Hobble into the sports clinic the following day, she felt confident that it was muscular, and not a stress fracture, and that I could hopefully try a run in a few days, as long as there's no pain walking.


Today, 3 weeks later, there's still pain... walking. It's a lot better than it was, but of course, I've had to rethink my plans. Having missed too many long runs, I've come to grips with the marathon winning, again. Thankfully, I've learned to set myself up well for disappointment in life. It's a crappy way to think and live... but if the disappointment happens, at least I was prepared for it and it wasn't a surprise, if it doesn't, consider it a bonus.


I'll do the half in Ottawa rather than the full, and fingers are crossed that the 70.3 will be my last big hurrah, here.  Then, I'll working on the 'happily ever after' with a one way ticket for two, to Atlanta!


Have I succeeded in not turning this into a pity-party post? :P  One last note, to all the racers headed to Boston, enjoy your moment, and reward!!

Believe. Inspire. Motivate. Dream.

My journey has forced me to believe. Needed an incredible amount of inspiration. Required motivation, beyond words. Developed my ability to dream.


In response to my post here, about explaining 'our passion' to others around us that might not 'get it', and while cleaning up a pictures folder on my computer, I tapped into my creative side.


You have all helped me believe, are a constant source of motivation and inspiration, and have given me dreams... so consider yourselves included in the thank you.  I heart you all.


I debated about posting this... anywhere. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, but realized that the purpose of my blog is to help others believe. Believe in change. Believe in themselves. Maybe inspire someone, and motivate a few. The feedback I got after posting this on Facebook yesterday, was, more than I imagined, to say the least. Let's just say, I needed more than a few kleenexes. So, thank you, as well, for giving me the courage to get this out there.

I just couldn't stand it anymore!

While it's the end of 2010..., I look forward to the new beginning...


Highlights of the past year include:

• first century ride - check
• first Olympic distance triathlon - check
• 3rd place AG finish in a Try-a-tri
• 250,000m milestone in masters swim, with a heartfelt speech from coach, and certificate from Mira
• Employment benefit allotment wasn't completely used up in the first six months of the year... (and I still had some left over!!) No out of pocket expenses for therapy due to injury! (knock on wood, please!)
• Combined mileage goal of 4000k reached! (2917.7k bike, 950.7 run, 238.8 swum)
• I decided to tackle the marathon again after my last attempt, so let's hope that 'take 2' in Ottawa, on May 29th, 2011 will end up differently.
• Melanie vs. 70.3!! Half Iron distance, here I come! Race picked out, Welland on June 26th, 2011, just waiting on registration to open up!

This afternoon, I headed out for my first run of the year. It had been raining all day, and unseasonably mild. I was feeling rather lazy, getting out the door later than I had planned. I convinced myself that an easy 5k would be a good start to the year, and better than nothing at all. While a blank slate can be refreshing, looking at spreadsheet with a 0 in my YTD column didn't feel right. It's been ready to be filled in weeks ago, anxious for 2011 to get here. It was time.

Soon after leaving the house, I was already feeling better. I also noticed people in cars looking at me, probably thinking that I was 'one of those resolutioners'. You know, the ones who commit (don't get me wrong... I hope they also succeed!!!) to making this the year. The year that they lose weight, or start exercising. Little do they know, this has been a part of me for a few years now (and I hope many to come!!). It's my stress relief, my independence, my freedom.  

As the song Today by the Smashing Pumpkins started playing on my iPod, I started singing along as I usually do. "Today, is the greatest, day I've ever known..." Just then, I stepped in a huge puddle, disguised by the darkness of the night... socks soaking wet.  Still, today, the first day of 2011, the beginning of my brand new journey, my first entry into my log was an amazing 10k. I say that makes it a really, really, great day.

As seen on the Multisport Canada's website... Why, yes! YES IT IS!!  What are your goals for this year?